Maybe I'll take up knitting

I think I may be having a breakdown today. It's possibly the calmest breakdown I've ever had. Or that's been had by anyone in the history of breakdowns. I've just been calmly thinking to myself: Maybe I should just move away and do something else. Become a different person. I don't have any passions, anything I used to consider passion-like is but a distant memory, left behind as I've settled into my "comfortable" lifestyle of working 8 + hours a day, having only a semi-active uninspired social life, and basically going through the motions of some life framework set forth by god knows who (Mary Tyler Moore maybe?). Get a job, pay your rent, be responsible, don't rock the boat. Well, frankly....my boat needs to rocking. It reminds me of something my grandpa said on Thanksgivng (b/c it's pretty much the same quote) but after I woke him up from his nap I apologized for startling him and he replied, "I need startling". So eff my "rock the boat" comment...I need startling too. But the big question is...how? What do I do? I know I won't quit my job, I don't even know if I want to or if I'm just in one of my phases...my "I don't know if this is what I want to do" phase...right now it's working in conjunction w/ my "I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life" phase. And now to jump to something completely different...but the same. I met a guy I guess two weekends ago and we went out that Sunday. When I had met him on Friday, I was very into him, excited to have met someone, even if I was a little effed up and prob not thinking straight. When we met on Sunday, things had changed, I felt awkward, I started noticing little things like the fact that he had a bead of sweat on the left side of his face and he was shorter than I remembered and he rolled his pants up at the bottom in that hipster sort of way and suddenly, I wasn't interested. Me, who complains that I never meet anyone and worries that b/c I don't really like pets that when I die it will take days for anyone to find my body b/c my dog Rover or my cat Spike didn't go for help, wasn't interested. And when he called me after the holiday and left a message saying he wanted to get together again, I panicked, erased the message, and decided just not to call him back. I know, I'm an a**...but what should I do? Call and say "Thanks, but no thanks". Do I force myself to go out w/ him just b/c I know I'm crazy and he's a nice guy? But I don't want nice, I want someone I obsess over. I never seem to get those guys, funny how that works out. Okay, time for an abrupt end to my rant. Time to go back to the boat.

Oh, and I had a lovely Thanksgiving.
R.

How about a pitcher and two mugs?

Thank god I only work a half day today b/c I'm really effing tired. It's kind of sad, I only stayed up until about 230, but if I don't get my 8 hours of sleep, I honestly can't function. So what will I now be doing w/ the rest of my day, after I'm released from prison, er, work early? Probably nothing.

Last night I watched mon amie Sarah's debut on "Judging Amy" and have to say that I don't think the line "How about a pitcher and two mugs?" could have been uttered more beautifully. Maybe I'm biased, but here's an idea for a spinoff (for any tv executives out there reading this post...I'm sure there are many): We leave this Amy character behind and start following the waitress...her day to day activities, waking up, getting dressed, going to work, etc. It doesn't sound exciting on paper, but trust me, it's a hit waiting to happen (Does anyone remember a little show called "Cheers"? This waitress in a bar thing just might be crazy enough to work!)

Okay, time to finish up my day. Some a-hole just gave me work to do. Don't they realize that I'm busy, not working?
R.

This post will change your life

My title made me think of something my friend Jason said recently. I can't remember what it was, but it was funny and had to do w/ The Shins and Natalie Portman. I bet you wish you knew what he said, right? Or you don't care. Most likely the latter.

I have to tell you, I haven't really felt like writing anything lately. As if that weren't obvious by the fact that I haven't. I no longer find joy in making fun of celebrities. Or Paris Hilton. What's happening to me? Have my priorities shifted? When did this happen...and most importantly, why???

So Thanksgiving is two days away and I feel like I have little to give thanks for. That sounds terrible, but other than the usual (friends, family, health) what else is there? I can't think of a damn thing, someone help me out! Oh forget it.

Watched "Sideways" last night. I really loved it, but I can't really pinpoint why. I don't always have to have a reason for liking things, sometimes I just do. And watched "Everwood" of course. Not to demean the beautiful act of lovemaking, but Amy and Ephram totally did it.

I have several things I really want to change about myself, but have realized lately that altering one's behavior is quite the difficult task. For example, this little self deprication thing I like to do is starting to really piss me off. B/c although I may say it w/ that "Ha ha I hate myself" attitude sometimes I really mean it. Okay, I don't hate myself, I just think things about me that I once tried to convince myself were cute and quirky are in reality annoying, pathetic, and frankly scars on a borderline flawless personality. Honestly, I have quite a high opinion of myself- why else would I always think I'm right? That I know the codes of human behavior and it is but my duty to share them w/ others. Those who are privy to such information should feel blessed. Oh burdened, either/or.

I have nothing else to say really. I'm a little bored, things are slow, w/ the holiday approaching and what not. But I'm looking forward to taking the time off. To do nothing. B/c I'm broke.
R.

This is my story

So this morning I get in my car to go to work, as I do everyday, and as usual picked out my cd of the day (IF...I'm sick of the one I've probably been listening to over and over for days in a row). This morning I chose The Cardigans, a cd Jessica loaned me to burn that I had yet to listen to (I guess I was expecting "Kiss Me" all over again). Anyway, I'm dragging out this story. I need to back track. When I first moved into my apartment, one of my neighbors used to wake me up every morning by playing the same song on repeat. I couldn't hear the lyrics, the walls muffled them, but I really like the melody. Yet I had no idea who was singing or what apartment the song was coming from, eliminating the option of me tracking down the source. Eventually, I grew to hate the melody after hearing it day after day after day. I would hear it in my sleep, couldn't get it out of my head, even when listening to other music, it would creep in and take over. I think you get where I'm going with this if you read the beginning of this story...I've basically ruined it- but I'll just keep going. So what happened to be the first song on the Cardigans cd...none other than that same melody I had heard so many many times before. And that's it. The end. I have to be the worst story teller ever. This is comparable to the time I watched the Godfather and put the second tape in first, thus knowing the end before I had seen the beginning (before DVD's, mind you). Good analogy, or pointless banter? As an addendum to the story, I actually like the song once again (it's even better w/ the lyrics) and may put it on my holiday mix cd, a position of honor for most songs.

Now who didn't love that story? You know it's one you'll be telling to the grandkids. On to more pertinent matters- what will I do tonight? I have no idea, but god am I ready for the weekend.
R.

Fun with ebay!

My worst nightmare. I think it would have to be the other way around...meaning, you would have to pay me to hang out w/ Trashelle. God, what a great nickname. It fits so perfectly...I don't think she really ever had a choice. But seriously, you would have to pay me a lot. Well, a lot meaning like $100. Not quite an escort rate, but def more than a babysitter.

And the Lord said "Thou shall eateth thy cheese sandwich". This apparantly is so funny it made my boss laugh for what seemed like hours (in reality: maybe 5 minutes). She also got quite a kick out of the cheese sandwich w/ both the Virgin Mary AND Jesus. Really, who doesn't love a good divine apparition every now and then?

Reagan

That's so Reagan

So I know I haven't been posting my 3 blogs a day as usual. I'm sorry to have let some of you down (Ashley). For those of you who don't care, why are you reading this? Anyway, to continue w/ my usual discussion of useless commentary involving celebrities, celebutantes, tv shows, and what I will be having for dinner, I'll catch you up on what's been going on w/ me of late. It's thrilling (satisfaction not guaranteed...bet you've missed my little lame comments, right?).

1) File this under "Strange"
Apparantly I have psychic abilities. On Sunday night, I had a dream (of the sexual nature, if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge) about a guy I met once 5-6 months ago at a bar and ended up after partying w/ him and some friends until 5 in the morning (yes, I can get college girl crazy every now and then)....nothing weird about that, random people often appear in my dreams, whether playing the lead or just working as an extra (there are no small parts, just small actors). So...on monday, one of my coworkers brings in a new intern, as she often does (this is the copy machine, this is the printer...you get where I'm going w/ this) and who should it be, but the guy from my dream. (pause for gasping). Yes, indeed it was the same guy. We did the whole "don't I know you?" thing when in fact I knew that I knew him, we had just been intimate the night before, even if it was just a dream. It was like he knew something was up, I could tell. Mabye it was the fact that I hooked up w/ his friend and he was thinking "Isn't that the girl ---- nailed" if he prefers such terminology (some might say "screwed" while others prefer something more tasteful- either way you get my point). Or he could have been thinking "Isn't that the cute witty sexy (it's the glasses, like a school teacher I tell you) girl I met a few months ago?" Who knows...I'm recalling the whole event as if it were a movie, the scene where we just stare at each other for a few minutes while each of us performs an internal monologue before snapping back to reality/real time. Clever, but didn't happen that way. Instead we did the "how are you doing/good to see you" thing and laughed at how funny it was that we had met before and said "small world" almost at the same time then laughed at how we said the same thing at the same time. And so on. This would have been cute if we were in some French cafe and I were drinking coffee and wearing a beret and maybe reading a book because I'm all alone and in France by myself and can't really talk to anyone b/c of the language barrier and if only I would have actualy learned something in those 4 years of French I took during high school/college I could order something other than "cafe du lait" (?), but no...I was at my desk, continuing to type an email as we spoke, looking cute but that part of me wasn't visible (being the skirt and shoes that added that special "je ne sais quoi" (I do know French!) and being covered up by said desk). I digress. Actually, I think the story is over. The end. But one more thing. I don't know how my newly possessed psychic abilities will be of any benefit to me. Predicting the future, that can be a good thing, right? Maybe I can start betting on sports events and become rich. Or I could start predicting the weather and become a meteorologist. Exciting.

2) Put this one under "So What?"
My mom came in to town this weekend and took me on a shopping spree, buying me many cute new items, thus contributing to the Reagan make-over, phase 1. Phase 2 (in no particular order of importance)- lose 15 lbs by dieting and working out (this involves getting a gym membership, which if the past is any indication, means that I will exercise like an anorexic w/ a mission for a month then for the next 6 months after that I will avoid stepping w/in 15 feet of the gym...completely worth the $30 a month). Phase 3- learn to be nonchalant (Uptight and highstrung do not a hot girl make). Kind of like my own "Tao of Steve". There are other phases, but this is what I have for now. What is life if you don't have flaws to obsess over?

3) And here's one for the kids.
Not really. I just wanted to say that. But last night I left work, all excited to go home and do nothing (and eat mashed potatoes...yummy) when I discover that my tire is completely flat. Of course I'm pissed b/c it's an inconvenience to me and b/c I don't know how to change a tire. In theory I do, but not in practice. So...sweet ol' Mikey K. leaves work to save my day (or what's left of it) b/c he's awesome. However, me being cursed w/ bad luck (my dad says that if this is the worst of my problems, then I've got it pretty easy...but what does he know?) the lugnut taker-off thingy (look- I'm a cute girl who doesn't know the names of tools, hee hee) is a wee bit broken so we have to call a tow truck (thanks triple A!) just to bring us another one....which they did...and so the tire came off and the spare went on. Broad strokes Reagan, broad strokes. Went to get it fixed at Pep Boys at lunch but they can't fix it so have to buy new tire after work. And I'm spent.

Back to work. I've had little time lately to complain of boredom. I've also realized I like to play the role of martyr. For instance, I often need help when I'm inundated w/ appts and what not and instead of asking for it, I choose to complain about how much work I have to do and how no one will help me. See...total martyr.
Reagan

Jump around....Jump around

Okay, not that House of Pain.

In 7 to 10 days, I will be the proud owner of a direct to dvd classic: Dr. Moreau's House of Pain. Okay, maybe I'm using the word "classic" a little too loosely. But seriously, this was the first (and only) film I worked on (not counting student projects)...I started out as a PA (making $50/day) before being promoted to 2nd AD (still making $50/day). This should give you some sort of idea at the crack pot nature of the production...I didn't even know what a 2nd AD was. Despite the not making any money and long hours, I look back on this experience fondly, for three reasons which I'll list below:

1) The crew was awesome and the atmosphere was strangely like high school..or camp...or even better the surreal life, w/ romances developing and extinguishing all in the span of the 13 day shoot. Me, I took no part in that. Except for getting it on w/ the sound guy after a night of heavy drinking. Man, was he hot. Good times.

2) The sex scene. I couldn't stop laughing. It was between a human and a "manimal" (half man, half animal...in this case, a cat). In fact, I got kicked out of the room for disturbing the scene. It didn't help that a grip kept whispering amusing commentary into my ear. I'm a sucker for commentary.

3) The diva. One of the actresses (I use this term loosely as well) thought she was hot sh*t b/c she was starring in some campy/crappy horror movie. Everyone hated her. I remember sitting around during down time and her asking us, "Were you guys popular in high school?" She said that she wasn't, but it was b/c she was really smart and everyone was initimidated by her. Classic denial.

I'm pissed that they don't have me on the IMDB listing. I mean, it was my only shot at immortality.
Reagan

Wasn't that a Chris Elliot show?

So someone posted this message on my last post: "Get a life"

Ouch. That hurts.

Birthday weekend. Friday night friends met me at The Cat & Fiddle for drinks. I drank...and drank...took a few shots....and drank...but never seemed to get very drunk. Still had a great time, even if I did remember everything the next day. But you know, I came to the realization that I don't have to get trashed to have fun (the more you know...), unlike a few people I know, and it's made me think that as much as I say I need to grow up or that I'm immature, at least I have the this- the fact that I don't still get wasted every weekend and hook up w/ strangers and drive drunk w/o giving it a second thought and any other thing that's ridiculously irresponsible (though I can't lie...this does happen on occasion, just not on a regular basis). Because I'm not in 18 anymore. Being young is no longer an excuse.

Sunday went shopping downtown w/ Ashley, Alisa, and Lisa. I love shopping, especially when everything is dirt cheap. Because I can't afford anything that's not. Nicky Hilton was quoted in In Touch making a negative statement about sales (it's the sh*t nobody wants...or something like that) and I got really pissed off. Honestly, I actually got angry. Because I love sales. Wouldn't have clothes if it weren't for sales. Maybe I was jealous that I can't afford the sh*t she can. Maybe I really love a good deal. Or maybe I just hate her. Could be any reason of the three.

And I'm out. Nothing more to say. I guess I'll just go "Get a life" now. (I'm not bitter).
Reagan

I'm not alone cause the TV's on...yeah

The OC sucked last night. I hate to say it, but it did. Sure, they had to wrap up all the loose ends from last season, but did it have to be so lame and boring? I mean, w/ Seth's rebellion (living w/ Luke in Portland....give me a break), Marissa's drinking (straight from the bottle- you're so hardcore), Ryan's new facial hair (to indicate he's "working class"), and Summer (well, she's pretty much the same, still annoying as hell)- I don't know what I'm trying to say, I just found myself not giving a sh*t about anyone. Instead, I used the episode to make a series of pot shots at the characters (jokes my friends laughed at simply b/c it was my bday, not b/c they were funny). Like every glorified night time soap, they have to progressively up the drama- but for the love of God, I forsee a future of every episode outdoing the last- by the season finale, Marisa will be having her 3rd abortion, Summer will be hooked on black tar heroin, Ryan will be having an affair w/ Kirsten, and Seth will have come out of the closet (after professing his love for Ryan...I call them the Bert and Ernie of our generation- I predict a controversial bathtub scene in their future). Anyway, alls I'm saying is...slow it down guys...pace yourselves. Don't try to be 90210 season 8...not yet.

Okay, didn't realize I was going to type so much about the O.C. Now on to the Apprentice. Why did it have to be Raj? Why??? I know he could be annoying, he could be a "hound dog" according to the Donald...but he kept things interesting. I mean, the bow ties, I can't get over the bow ties. He reminded me of Pee Wee's nemisis in "Pee Wee's Big Adventure". Because they both wore bow ties. I think. Getting back on track, I would have much rather seen Ivana go...esp after her claiming that she was "scared for her life" after Stacy J's crazy antics. B*tch please- nobody needs a drama queen. She should have been fired. Because I don't like her.

Alisa and Mike bought me the first season of Everwood on DVD for my bday. I couldn't have been more excited. I've already professed my love for this show and now I can watch it over and over and over. As well as the OC season one. And Arrested Development, once I buy it.
R.

They say it's your birthday

Yes, as I've been mentioning for what seems like forever, today is my bday. Oh, glorious day. It's all about me. If you don't think it is, you're sadly mistaken.

So here are the good things that have happened today:

1) For my bday gift from Ashley, she bought me season one of the O.C. Hours upon hours of Ryan, Seth, Marissa, and Summer...and the occasional crazy guest star (Oliver...you know who you are)
2) My co-workers are taking me out to lunch. Free food. It tastes better than food you paid for yourself.
3) Many people have wished me "Happy Birthday". More than I expected. Everyone loves me.

And that's it so far. Or as much as I want to type on the subject. I don't want to seem self-involved.

I have to buy a new phone. The screen on mine is all scrambled, I can't do anything. I will buy a new one tomorrow when I get paid...aaahhh...payday....I'm drooling at the thought of it. And the new message I left telling people to leave their numbers made me laugh. Oh man, I'm so hilarious.

I'm deciding what movie to see this weekend...on Sunday, Alisa, Ashley, Lisa and myself are going shopping downtown then to a movie. I'm thinking "Alfie" b/c everytime I see the preview I get all hot and bothered.

On a sad note...I'm still heartbroken over Kerry's loss. So is Jon Stewart.
R.

Defeated and Depressed...aka The Post-Election Post

Don't fear...I'm not going to get all political and what not. B/c frankly who wants to hear it from me. It would be like Christina Aguilera talking about abstinence (snicker).

Vote or Die! Or don't vote at all. Paris...50...Whaddup? P. Diddy is going to be so pissed when he finds out.

Sarah Michelle Gellar looking for record deal. Says she has written "quite a few numbers". Numbers? Really? Did you write any "ditties" as well? Can you tap dance to these numbers? I make fun of you b/c I don't like you. Not to offend any hardcore Buffy fans, I admire your psycho enthusiasm, but SMG just rubs me the wrong way.

Are we still talking about this? I mean, it's not enough that Sunday my own Dad asked if I saw SNL w/ that Jessica Simpson girl. Oh Daddy, don't you know your Simpsons? One's blonde, one's brunette. Obviously, they're completely different.

Okay. I said I wasnt' going to get into it...but what the f*ck? Bush? Everything I'm feeling is best expressed here.

Also...what's w/ the hating on gay marriage? Get over it....it has nothing to do w/ you. Sanctity of marriage my a**.

To end on a happy note...anybody up for a little Alfie? I'm not saying this movie will be good, I'm not even going to touch on that, alls I'm saying is....damn! Jude Law is one good looking Brit....yes, indeed he is. I'd def get w/ that.
R.

C'est la vie

I laughed my a** off at what my friend IM'ed me...thought I would share the hilarity:

Well, I'm beginning to get a bit worried. I think Bush and Kerry are going to pull a lot of votes from Badnarik, possibly costing him the presidency.

Oh man, so funny (FYI...Badnarik is the Libertarian candidate).

I'm nervous about the election. I'm surprised I care so much...I mean it is important, but that usually isn't a factor in what I focus my attention on (Sadly, care more about The Apprentice outcome than whether or not I'm going to hell for my "alleged" sins). Anyway...Ashley and I are going to watch the polls, maybe have a drink, play a little scrabble or scattergories, and just see who wins. Please be Kerry, please be Kerry...

Time is creeping by and I can't stop eating leftover halloween candy.
R.

Pull the ripchord the ship has lost its sail

Ashley suggested that I get a tattoo for my bday. However, this will not happen. There is nothing I like enough to have it permanently embedded in my skin. I remember when I got my tongue pierced (no to a tattoo...yes to a barbell in my mouth) there was this guy who had a tattoo outline of Jesus on his back and he was getting it filled in w/ color. It was the most awesome thing I've ever seen.

Today is so much better than yesterday. I literally threw a hissy fit in front of my boss b/c I couldn't find a pkg I was looking for. It was so awkward...she just stared at me, waiting for my head to start spinning.

I don't know what I want to do for lunch today. I brought the saddest sandwich that ever existed...it's just bread and turkey...no cheese. I can't live like this!!! I need my paycheck so I can buy cheese! And maybe some milk! Moving on...I hope one of my co-workers will be going to the mall so I can tag along and pretend shop. Really piss some salespeople off when I try on things, leave them on the floor of the dressing room, and then not buy anything. I'm sorry Ashley, I know you previously did the retail thing, I don't mean to insult your people. But I'm just too lazy to put the clothes back on the hanger. You can't be surprised...after all, I never refill the ice cube trays and only on occassion actually put the toilet paper on the toilet paper holder.

So I decided to quit smoking after my bday. Why? Well 1) Because it's slowly killing me and 2) Because I spend way way way too much money on ciggies. I decided to do a budget and realized how much I spent on those wonderful, I mean evil, cancer sticks. Let's just say it's a lot. A lot. Why can't I like things that are good for me? Like running and vegetables. Instead, give me a cigarette, a hamburger, and any alcohol that can be mixed w/ coke, and I'm set. Oh, and put me on a couch w/ a tv in front of me. That's a must for hours of pleasure. Did I just say pleasure? I meant enjoyment. I can't associate pleasure w/ me sitting alone on the couch.
R.

I voted b/c Jennifer Aniston told me to

I voted for the first time this morning. It was so worth it...I got a sticker that reads "I voted" (Or something like that...w/ an American Flag in the background...I'm a true patriot). But I left it at home, so now I can't parade around the office, showing it off. Like when people give blood...except I can't do that b/c I have anemia. Bastards.

So, yesterday I couldn't get up the energy to write anything, mainly b/c I was depressed for no good reason. But now I'm back. And ready to write about my halloween weekend. Recaps are never that interesting (esp since I like to do broad strokes an omit the details that might actually tell a more entertaining story)

Friday- Went to Kerry's for pre-party. Took some pictures to commemorate the evening. Yadda yadda yadda...ended up at some party (at this point I was wasted out of my mind) and apparantly made out w/ a random guy. I remember he was cute, he helped me find liquor (because obviously I needed another drink), and then we started snogging as the British say. Nothing better than sloppy drunken making out w/ a stranger. Oh wait...except not being wasted and making out. It's better when you don't start falling over mid kiss. Yeah....

Saturday- Hungover as all hell (go figure). Layed around all day going in and out of consciousness, watching movies (Wet Hot American Summer) and tv (The Office Special) and other stuff I can't remember. Still sick that evening so couldn't make it out to other parties. I'm lame.

Sunday- Went to Rilo Kiley show. Love Rilo Kiley. Love Jenny. Love Blake. Love those other guys who's names I don't know. Favorite opening band: Schmoosh (or something like that)- a 10 and 12 yr old girl, one on drums, other on keyboards. Seriously, made me think "what have I done w/ my life that's so great?" I mean, they're ages combined don't amount to mine and they're already in a band and opening for Rilo Kiley? I need to get my sh*t together.

I'm ready for the weekend. Did I already mention my birthday is this Thursday? Oh, I did? I won't shut up about it, you say?
R.